Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Will type up a review sometime soon. :| Need to get motivated. No caffeine this morning, really, and I feel like a heavy stone sunk into caked mud.

Will review a manuscript and send it back with comments in the next few days. Really, I will. I will. I will. I even have the money to send it back now. No, I don't use that program that allows you to make comments electronically-- Maybe next time.

I am also beginning INJURING ETERNITY by Millicent Borges Accardi for the following review, then I'll have two more to do by December.

Struggling with focusing somewhat, but I did have my meds changed this morning and we'll see if I can concentrate better and be less of a putz. Maybe I should be hush hush, but it's the case that I messed up rather badly in getting off them, and here I am again getting new changes, but I feel it will help in the long run to be transparent. I don't want another 2008.


I'm not sure if there's a god or creator. I want to believe it so with the assurance of heaven and everlasting bliss, but something tells me the universe isn't made so, more of the yin/yang darkness/light that S believed in till the day she died. She also believed in reincarnation, not sure what religion/belief system that comes out of, but non-the-less when I look carefully around, I see life and death almost intermingling, as if they were one process or event, rather than two. I really want to believe in God, and I wear a pendant of the Virgin Mary for somewhat cultural and political reasons, having grown up Catholic. When I was young I attended a church where monks lived in El Paso, and mass was chanted in Latin. It left an indelible mark on me. Today, the reality of death seems too earthy, too real. Is it fear that's made religion? I don't know. My family is very religious, so much so, that I fear they ignore more serious psychological issues in order to survive in the fog/bliss of hope for eternal existence. Then again S always said, "the energy has to go somewhere." All life for her was this energy, and she was a practitioner of Reike. It feels more comfortable to believe in the universe rather than a god, or maybe the universe is god. I don't know. If you have anything to suggest I read, please do. I have read the New Testament pretty thoroughly when I was a young fanatic for Jesus ;), so I'm interested in pondering these questions. I am not quite philosophical as I lack the vocabulary for that, but I am always curious.

I think when we die, we die. That's that. Our particles, atoms, energy may go somewhere, but it's likely we are spread all apart, and no longer exist as we were. Some days I say thank god to that. Then the Catholic guilt I was raised with rears its ugly head.


On to INJURING ETERNITY (no pun was intended; how ironic).



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