Thursday, September 15, 2011

6:03 a.m. and I am going walking in about 30 minutes. I was invited to a symposium/conference but don't have the gas $ to get there. I think I'm going to ask someone for help with that and see if it's not too late to attend. It may be too late, but it doesn't hurt to try. They've kindly offered a place to stay. Should've responded a week ago, but I had plenty of my own stuff going on. If not, fine. I have a cough/cold, but I think I need to start walking. Fact is, a lot of medications cause weight gain and weight gain I've had. It's enough to make you want to not take them anymore, but in any case, I am tapering off abilify, which could be the heavy, and I do mean heavy culprit. Fact is, I didn't believe in medication, and it got me in all sorts of troubles and difficulties with people, institutions and career (or lack there of). The flip-side is the meds seem to cause weight gain and memory difficulty. I take Strattera to help me focus, yet I have a difficult time still focusing, but that's been raised 10 mg. I think this stuff matters, as some feel meds are very bad. Fact is, being off them didn't work well for me. When I was younger, late 20's early 30's I took meds which also caused a lot of weight gain. So I decided not to take them, and the decade I didn't wreaked havoc on my potential job opportunities. I didn't realize this until 2009 or 2010. It was my own limitations which hampered myself not the doings of others. It's difficult to accept one needs chemicals to regulate emotions and even physical responses to emotions and particularly paranoia or hyper-vigilence. But the fact is when I refuse meds, I am in all sorts of difficulties with other people and my thinking gets very distorted. In 2008 I got really sick and I understand now that for the time being, I need to regulate my emotions, which otherwise are fiery, difficult and even numb at times. I think since I've been back on them too, that they are better than they were in the late 90's early 2Ks. I've gained a lot of weight this past year though, so I am frustrated. So I figure I need to start seriously walking and watching my diet. All of this is probably uninteresting. I don't know. There's only so much nature awe one can discuss on a blog. Relationships and histories seem more interesting to me. Poetry in many ways has taken a back seat, yet I published 14 poems recently. My most recent acceptance is for Mutabilis Press's anthology of Texas/ Texas related writers. They accepted "Chico's Taco's" which was previously published in FEMINIST STUDIES. I'm going to have to call El Paso Times as there is a new editor. I need to make sure my last 3 reviews get printed, and I need to ask if the books page will remain as is, or if there will be changes, as we all know reviews don't get a lot of press print in this day and age, especially poetry reviews. I suspect they'll appear, but I am wondering what this new editor will do. Well, the sun is coming up so it's time to get moving. More blathering later. Take care.

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