Friday, September 16, 2011

Getting my blood drawn this morning and am having to fast, but I am drinking coffee. I am sick with a cough, a bad one. But it should pass in a day or two. My mother has chronic bronchitis, so I can't imagine being stuck with that! I've been spending my time drawing designs with colored pencils, reading a bit and have recently tried word finds/puzzles to get my mind off my worries. It works well. Back to 100 Years of Solitude today while I wait in the waiting room at the clinic because I know I will have to wait, but this clinic is pretty good, and I can be seen without having a co-pay, which would NEVER HAPPEN in Texas, that's one of the reasons I am staying in Colorado for the time being. I've been blogging a lot though blogging is dead. This in many ways is a secondary notebook to the journal I maintain. I have a few poems/drafts written in the journal and found a number of poems which I am going to send out soon. I'm going to send to Palabra and Ploughshares, though Ploughshares has consistently rejected me over the years. I am not in the know. I am feeling hesitant about my recent work. Some poems are narrative, and others aren't quite lyrical or narrative. I may post some shorter ones here, which I don't feel are publishable, then again I never seem to read which poems will be taken, but I have 14 new ones published, which feels good, but I'd like to get into some better journals, or I should say more institution affiliated journals, then again, some independent journals are stellar. I love going to Tattered Cover to read journals. I currently still have work out at a number of journals, some of which I sent way back in March, not sure what will happen with those as they, if I remember correctly were quite fragmented, but people seem to like that now. I can't seem to write organically whole pieces anymore, or as of late. In any case, I have a lot of drafts that need revision, and I have to decide which ones are keepers and which ones I will trash. * I am going to attend a symposium in Pueblo in October, but I need to sketch out my ideas and what I will speak about on a panel dealing with language, travel and poetry. * Reading non-poetry stuff but will read some more poetry soon, as I feel it helps me write better. I feel stuck in some ways, but people take my poems. Hoping they are working. I haven't had a reading in a long time, but will read on this panel at CU-Pueblo. * Will go to El Paso for Christmas, and I'm looking forward to it as I am homesick, but I've grown to love Colorado. People say it's dry here, but compared to the desert of west Texas, this seems pristine and quite green to me. I guess everything is relative. * I've lost any audience I had early possibly. But blogging keeps me thinking about poems, when it's hard to think about them. It keeps me focused on writing, when it seems like I'm very far from the writing world. But I am writing about poor people. I read recently that due to food stamps and other programs, we don't really have poor people. I find this hard to believe as I live off of 175.00 a month now. But yes, food stamps help, and it's a blessing to live in a country which provides them. * Career: my "career" has crashed? I don't know. I thought about applying for a job, but I'm not ready. It's difficult to explain why other than to state I need healing, a lot of healing, but people who know me say I am doing much, much better in that I don't put myself down as much, and see more positive things; recently I did get depressed and am starting to believe it's largely chemical as I have no reason to be depressed. Life is kind to me these days. I have no money, but I am resting up and taking care of myself which feels good. Take care

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