Saturday, April 02, 2011

I'm taking the day off. I attended the poetry workshop, and it was really good. I'll get back to the manuscript tomorrow and later this week. Two people that were going to give me feedback haven't gotten back to me, so I'm hoping to hear from them in a couple of weeks, if not, I guess I'm on my own, but they both have given me very insightful feedback on a few poems, so I will be thanking them in my book, which will eventually come out I sense. I hope to add some publication credits to the book soon. I sent out a large number of submissions as I know how difficult it is to get into journals. I'm curious about what the feedback will be. I remember when I first started sending work out. Things have really changed as you can now submit poems online. Wow, it's much easier to send a file than to mail a batch of poems, but I have mailed a number of batches, and am waiting to hear back. Then I'll send another wave. :)

The poetry workshop is a good group. Everyone in the workshop has publication credentials and two others have published some books. I sense it will be of great help despite the long drive to Northglenn, CO.

I feel part of something poetic again, and it feels very good.

Originally, I titled the blog Chicana Poetics and have wondered if I should change it back, but I started out with news and discussions about invisibility of women poets of color, particularly Chicanas. I find the poetry industry more interested in men of color/ Chicanos than women, and I can't help but notice that we are in some sense fighting invisibility within our own Chicano/a community; moreso, some are only interested in engaging with people they perceive in a position of power or strength. People should be more careful about whom they shun. Anyone at anytime can start publishing like a madwoman. And more importantly it may be good stuff.

Overall, I'm feeling most excellent and blessed. It feels so good to be writing and sending work out. It's a wonder I did any writing at all when I was teaching as an adjunct. I was utterly overwhelmed, and I think single Chicanas have a harder time wading through the stress of supporting themselves and not having a partner to encourage them, but we are blessed with friends and I have a few who have stood by me when I flipped out, others, fair-weather do not understand some things about bipolar or trauma. It seems everyone's your "friend" when you've just won something. But mostly they are in a ridiculous clique of perception over reality.

I may post some videos on bipolar to educate a few folks who seem to think I've grown antennae or something. Nope, I have struggled with this since I was in my late twenties, and only know can I see the light at the end of a very dark tunnel.

My forthcoming collection deals with trauma, the repression of violent trauma, and the damage that that does to one's psyche, coupled with bipolar, you get a real mess I think.

In the end, I am free to write now, so all that difficulty in 2008-2009, when I became ill and quite difficult is over. I plan on taking care of my health here on out, and I am slowly developing confidence in my work and words.

Gloria Anzaldua died in poverty I think. Did she have a secure academic position towards the end of her life? I heard she was either an adjunct or a student. It saddens me, the hypocrisy of academia. I guess for now I am done with that pursuit, and I feel more free, eager to write again. It's nice to associate with poets again though too, but too many poets are posers who only associate with people they falsely believe can give them a step, or few steps up the academic ladder of po-biz. In the end, the poems have to give flight to a reader's consciousness. I find many kiss-ups praise lame work. And I was all in knots over it due to my own issues, now, I see that crappy work doesn't hang around too long and good work makes its way.

I've put up with a lot of b.s. from some who assume that since I struggled so long, I would never get anywhere. I was a finalist for the national poetry series in 2003, and I have published in some impressive journals. I can do it again. I will do it again.

The weather in Colorado is sunny and crisp and it feels as if everything has changed for the positive.

I think I spend time ruminating about things, but I am working on letting things go, forgiving and moving on.

A few folks who shall remain un-named, maybe ;), have been playing their cards way wrong when it comes to art and creativity. It's not about playing unfairly or providing invites to the right people in a clique. It comes down to writing well.

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