S believed in a creator.



Lately, for the last decade or so, I've had trouble believing in a creator, but when I think of the Universe as a living being, or as a unified field, I think maybe I do believe in such wholeness, such oneness.

S shared a flame of love with me, but I forget it most days.

I do find that love is not an easy thing, it takes work and effort, so we try and try again past our errors I suppose.

I was wounded early, unloved. Trauma became my teacher, unconsciously. Consciously I forgot what happened, unconsciously that distrust ruled every action, every anticipation, my ability to love others was thwarted.

So, we are on this journey I suppose and I've carried a lot of crap for a long, long time, which isn't really very long in this brief lifetime. We learn to let go of these burdens somehow, learn to trust others and see the good in them.

It's hard for me to see the good in myself sometimes, often. Well, I am sharing this video because it is what S was to me, a light. I think being such a light is a good thing. We must see the light in ourselves too.

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I'm still tired but I'm going to have conferences with my students tonight, so I'm going to try to get some protein here so I'll have energy to really be of help.

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Have a nice day.