AWP went well. I learned several important lessons, the foremost one being to have confidence in my work. The second one is that I've worried far too long about things and people that have no bearing on my work or its reception. I attended some good panels, but also wandered about the book fair and had dinner and drinks with some wonderful writers! It was overall a great time!

I taught my final classes of Writers in the Schools today and have the first graders left. I will really miss doing this. WITS is a great organization that I encourage all poets to get involved with because it is meaningful, exciting work. I'm honored to have been part of it. I hope to do it again next year!!! I attended a Writers in the School panel, a panel on Cave Canem, a panel on re-mapping Aztlan and a panel for the new anthology Fire and Ink! My take on AWP is that it was a reality check for me, a time to stop being self-deprecating and morose. I am doing fine. All is well. Everyone is healthy.


I realize after a long time of listening to people talk about social action and community that Writers in the Schools is a grassroots organization that is truly involved in working with underprivileged students in the community. I greatly admire people who write the grants and get this stuff organized. Wow. I think that takes a special individual. I am very impressed with everyone I met that deals with WITS.

I have papers to grade, poems to type, poems to write, poems to revise, poems to read and a life to live.

A poem by Alberto Rios

The silence of the video above unnerved me, but it is fitting for the poem being read. I need to make friends with silence.

Today I have a meeting to attend at 1-3 and will get some stuff organized before attending the reading AWP offsite reading with Tim Hernandez, Michael Medrano and Lee Herrick this evening.

It snowed last night here in Denver, so if you are here for the AWP conference, I hope you brought layers as advised by B.R. ;) It is likely to melt by tomorrow or even this afternoon, but you never know with the Colorado weather.

I'm not sure which panels and events I will attend, but knowing me, I'll show up Thursday afternoon to attend some panels. I'm interested in some Writers in the Schools panels. There is one this afternoon, but I have a group meeting that I must attend.

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Charles Simic reading three poems

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I need to do some reading this morning and am feeling a bit scatter-brained when it comes to settling down and reading. I am almost done with the novel THE SCOUNDREL AND THE OPTIMIST by Maceo Montoya and will write a review of it soon and send it to EPT. Yes, I am a slow reader these days, but I am enjoying the book still.
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I am still going to read a poem about trauma, sexual abuse and healing at the ONE POEM FESTIVAL on Friday evening and will nervously attend the Con Tinta celebration. Again the poem is about healing more than anything else.

I am happy to see Alicia Gaspar de Alba receive an award and Lalo Delgado honored at the Con Tina pachanga. Interestingly, Lalo Delgado taught at Metro State before I taught there.

I can't believe I've been in CO 7 years. So, who knows what will happen. I may stay here, and I may go home to focus on writing and worry less about having a "career" to make money. The U.S. government needs to help create jobs if they want their money back from people like me. I mean really, thank God my family will have me. But I am hoping to get a second interview for the job in Denver. We'll see. I'm not sure where I am meant to be, really.

Sylvia Plath reads "Daddy"





Never use your own words against yourself.




Be impeccable with your word.
Never take anything personally.
Always do your best.
Don't make assumptions.

S gave me this book, THE FOUR AGREEMENTS by Miguel Ruiz. I need to read it again I think. First I need to finish the novel I've been reading and write a review of it.

I've been drawing a bit and journaling and it's been overall a peaceful time for me. I need to write again. I've decided to try to write again. It's been good to take the time to draw. I also need to finish RADICAL FORGIVENESS by Colin Tipping. It helps one let go of blame and anger which is of course a good thing.

CHAC BOOK RELEASE PARTY!!!

Breathing, In Dust
Join Tim Hernandez and friends to celebrate the release of his debut novel.

Featuring readings by Lee Herrick, Michael Luis Medrano, and Zuleman Inai.

Free to the public
*An official AWP Off-Site Event

772 Santa Fe Dr 80204

Wed. April 7th 7-9 pm!

Sherwin Bitsui


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I typed a poem from my journal which I will read at the One Poem reading at AWP. The langauge is kind of flat, but it is about trauma and recovery. I think I am reading it for healing purposes more than anything else. Hopefully people will be okay with it. C says it's a good one to read, so I'll put it on her. ;) It's going to be kind of difficult to read.

Lots of really good poets will be reading. I am glad to be included with them.

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I am headed to get my oil changed and then go out with some friends in Denver today.

I need to get a lot of work done: typing poems for Writers in the Schools, finding bilingual poems for Writers in the Schools, grading papers, prepping for my class, and lots of basic chores to do this weekend. Who would think someone so underemployed would have stuff to do. I am glad to have things to do. Sometimes I get very bored thinking and think about how I need a "real" job. But maybe making it peacemeal with part-time gigs "is" what I need now as I've been told. But let's face it, America is about cash.

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Trauma causes us to blame others. I think the whole life isn't fair thing is a thing to write about. According to APPROVAL ADDICTION by Joyce Meyer "When we have been mistreated, it seems totally unfair to just forgive those who have hurt us. We feel someone needs to pay for what has happened to us. When we hurt, we want to blame. We want justice!...We must make an effort to forgive and let go of anger."

I still like this book a lot.

Well, have a nice day.

James Baldwin. I love these final videos when he's older, wiser.





I am posting a lot but next week is AWP and I suspect I will post less since I have to go downtown and find parking and pay for parking and walk a ways in order to attend the conference. It's kind of weird to have it come to Denver since I live here. It's a bit less exciting than when you travel to the conference. I'm going to try to attend con tinta, but I teach during the time it is scheduled. I suppose I could take the bus too, but I live in Arvada and driving seems easier now since buses may not run out here very late.

It's so quiet online now. No wars. No tossing of insults. No jagged mis-perceptions and lashing out. Hmmm. Am I healed? Not yet, no.

No seriously, I'm glad for that quietness.

I uploaded my Yaddo files to Google documents and hope this will get me to at least revise them. It's hard to write, difficult to get motivated to write. The weight of po-biz has me down, down, down.

I'm thinking seriously about sending my manuscript elsewhere since I have been given the run-around like you wouldn't believe. I guess it's a money thing. Who knows. Patience has never been one of my virtues, so maybe it's best to work on it now. I will seek out someone with the initials C.E. at AWP and see if I can't get some concrete response. I feel like a feather blowing in the wind. Where I will land is anyone's guess.

I wonder if anyone will like 7. It seems that side of Po-biz has me down, down, but I will try to focus on the moment and living day to day. It would be healthier if I stopped reading blogs, the internet and po-biz happenings. It seems too that that is mostly an internet thing. It's like if you leave it, it no longer exists!

I want to look at the AWP schedule and decide which panels I will attend. I am going to attend the Tim Hernandez, Michael Medrano and Lee Herrick reading for sure and will post that information here soon.

My, I've taken to journaling online I suppose. Too much journaling on my part, but it feels good in some ways. It helps me organize myself a bit, a bit.

I need to type up the poems from second graders this weekend. It's urgent. I still haven't done it, but I love, just love the poems from the children in Writers in the Schools!!!!! I will miss this if I can't do it next year; I mean if I actually end up getting a job and being employed like the rest of the world.

I'm rambling.

Ha! It's okay, it's my blog.

S believed in a creator.



Lately, for the last decade or so, I've had trouble believing in a creator, but when I think of the Universe as a living being, or as a unified field, I think maybe I do believe in such wholeness, such oneness.

S shared a flame of love with me, but I forget it most days.

I do find that love is not an easy thing, it takes work and effort, so we try and try again past our errors I suppose.

I was wounded early, unloved. Trauma became my teacher, unconsciously. Consciously I forgot what happened, unconsciously that distrust ruled every action, every anticipation, my ability to love others was thwarted.

So, we are on this journey I suppose and I've carried a lot of crap for a long, long time, which isn't really very long in this brief lifetime. We learn to let go of these burdens somehow, learn to trust others and see the good in them.

It's hard for me to see the good in myself sometimes, often. Well, I am sharing this video because it is what S was to me, a light. I think being such a light is a good thing. We must see the light in ourselves too.

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I'm still tired but I'm going to have conferences with my students tonight, so I'm going to try to get some protein here so I'll have energy to really be of help.

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Have a nice day.