Thursday, July 05, 2012

I could be listening to Mozart or Enya, but I'm in a Dylan-- "Like a Rolling Stone" kinda mood. I dealt the last two days with the long arm of the federal government's bureaucracy, which sounds and acts kind of like crazy. I think though when I get my award letter I'll feel relieved. They do not make it easy in regards to communication as three people give three different answers. None-the-less, I am blessed. I am blessed. I am blessed. I am thankful. I am grateful. I even have a book coming out! Please, please try to read it.

I remember listening to Dylan when I was much younger and much angrier. I was very compelled to argue politics at the time, and now I see how much of that was due to past trauma. It can be a way of coping with and or living in denial about the losses in our lives. I would stay up all night, many a night, listening to all my Dylan albums. Yes, I'm that old, and yes, I was quite poor as a student. I saw and believed others had it easier, and still struggle with that envy or that belief that others are being favored or that so and so is biased. In the end, though, severe trauma leads us to be on edge at all times. This hypervigilance is tiring though, and sooner or later it all overflows. We are filled to the brim with fear. And fear can kill you.

But the fact is I still love Bob Dylan. I understand the rage of this song all too well. We move through it like ghosts, unaware of past events, and now that I am half-aware of the events in my childhood, I feel more free, less angry. I am aware that my politics are mine, and that freedom and peace are more important than being right regarding a political stance.

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