Thursday, May 24, 2012

Getting ready to leave to Dallas/Ft. Worth this evening. Will miss El Paso, Texas. I had tied El Paso inexplicably to my grandmother, so now that she has passed the city holds wonderful memories for me. My writing in many ways has moved past El Paso, though I do have some poems in the second collection about the dusty desert city, the hot asphalt and the gritty winds.


Heard back from the editor of 3: A Taos Press and it was a little discouraging as the new poems I sent need to be cut out as she said they were lecturish which horrifies me, but they were in a sense tied to Buddhism, and I know how such allusions to religious belief can be a real turn-off in a manuscript, so I'll likely scratch those poems out of the picture, but I will save them and send them out to magazines to see if this isn't one person's reaction to them.  Maybe some day I can use them in another collection. Maybe I will come to agree with her. We'll see.

Overall, I'm growing weary of the editing process and sincerely hope as she said we'll do this only "one more time." I really don't want to prolong this editing process too much, so I am sincerely hoping it is almost there. I have to be patient I suppose. Another editor will look at it and provide some feedback soon. Hopefully the process is almost over.


Will try to attend some readings in Denver when I get back including cannon mine, which has new organizers and possibly I'll attend some readings at universities around town. We'll see. I've never been one to schmooze as I am shy in real person ;) But the fact is I need to search out community and find new connections that value art as an end in itself.

I dislike pushy people who clamor for readings for the most part as I find they are usually not very interesting poets in that their focus is on pushing their work or peddling it rather than making it good, and yes, I believe there is good and bad. One needs to market, but one really needs to have their ducks in a row first. I find poets who were invited to read someplace, without pestering event coordinators, are usually more interesting poets than avid careerists. I am having to learn to trust that time will separate the wheat from the chaff.

It is quite difficult to trust this amid some b.s. in the poetry communities, even the Latino poetry community re: anthologies, publicity etc. Yet, my own insecurities emerge and I begin to doubt my abilities, then later, I am enamored with myself, then back to feeling like I can't write. I think this is a normal pendulum swing for those of us trying to write well. I guess we all try to write well, but over all I think some books are rushed into print, so I should patiently edit this thing after all. Feeling left out is something that I've struggled with regarding some things, but overall Canto Mundo helps me feel uplifted and encouraged and luckily it is coming around the corner.

But yes, there are cliques, and one must move past them into a mode of joyous creativity and solemn editing!


One is not supposed to judge, one is to observe without judgment and here I am judging. Time is the best teacher I suppose, but at the moment, I feel one must speak out against injustices when necessary, and there are indeed some fairly severe injustices when it comes to some stuff mentioned, but in the end, we find ourselves freed from cliques and exclusions when we find contentedness in the day to day activities and tasks we have. One must simply stay busy creating.


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