Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Failures, difficulties and renewal

My post yesterday was a bit much I suppose. I was not doing too well. In any case, I have to go teach in a bit, 1-1 conferences. Really ready for the break. Really, really ready for the break.

I will not be working starting around Dec. 9th. I hope that I will utilize all the time I will have towards writing/revising 7, which needs to be revised before it can get an actual contract to publish, but I plan on revising it in December.

I am concerned I will get bored not working, but my disorganization of late has caused me severe difficulties teaching and 7-11 was also difficult for me. In any case, I hope to be writing again soon. I have kept up journaling, but I haven't written any creative pieces for a long while.

We are reading Sherman Alexie next which is always a good thing, I think. But my ability to focus for long periods of time is shot. I have to break everything up into steps and have, according to some, slowed down quite a bit. I am feeling like a failure in some ways, but teaching classes as an adjunct is most definitely not the end-all of things. I will take time off and hopefully find my writing picking up again. The semester has been a real wash. I have utterly failed at teaching, but need to say it's okay to take care of myself, to put my health first.

This society is weird. You aren't supposed to admit to shortcomings, failures, difficulties. But I do. I can't stand being someone I'm not, but writing has been nothing but a lot of hot air from my desk. Okay, I don't have a desk, but I do have a lap top. But I have been a lot of talk and no action.

I will be moving into an apartment with a roommate in January, and although I'm looking forward to it I'm a bit nervous as I have a ton of crap in storage, most of which I need to get rid of.

I am not much of a blogger. I mean I blog, but it is I suppose mostly to let off steam and focus a bit. Sorry, I am not very funny nor have much of an audience anymore, so I blog for myself, my sanity.

In some ways I feel like a failure, as I did not teach today and got sorta busted for it. I am simply tired and have been needing this rest and am very, very lucky that I can take it. 2008 is when I needed a break, to slow down and I didn't and the price I paid for not taking a break was/is indeed high.

I will grade a couple of papers then head to the CC to have conferences. Last night students didn't show, but it was snowing.

They say failure is the way to success. I sure as hell hope so.

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