Sunday, June 03, 2012

Fear of no water later. I have to let go of all that some day. I just hope people read my second collection when it comes into print. I hope it is good. I believe it to be pretty solid at the moment.

In any case, back to editing. It is making the manuscript better, yet I am wanting to abandon the thing after this next round. This is what I am hoping for as I've been working on the poems in it since at least 2003. Most of the poems began in 2005--seven years ago. So overall, not consistently, I've worked on it for 8 or 9 years I realized. It was difficult to write as some of it is about trauma and recovery (PTSD), so I didn't write consistently at all during that time period, but I did have it in my mind often during those years. Not to mention I was in the middle of PTSD and illness in 2008, and it was very messy.

I recognize that part of what happened in 2008 was in itself being re-traumatized, since I had forgotten the violence.

My recovery from PTSD is going slowly. I still struggle with various issues surrounding it, but overall I am improving. I think overall, it's affected my ability to trust, my ability to not feel marginalized and  I am very suspicious of cliques and authority.

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